All right, Julia, we've given folks a lot of actionable advice on how to have more constructive conversations when they disagree. Let's summarize it here and also talk about the common themes. So Heather, we began by talking about having clear goals in any disagreement and in articulating those goals, considering which are the most important, which are realistic, and whether the long and short-term goals may actually contradict each other. We also talked about the benefits of clearly articulating your desire to learn from the other person's point of view and better understand their reasoning behind their beliefs. We then discussed the HERE framework as a toolkit for continuing to show receptiveness while expressing your own point of view. Remember, HERE stands for hedging your claims, emphasizing agreement, acknowledging other perspectives, and reframing to the positive. Finally, we talked about sharing a vulnerable story based on your own experience rather than relying on facts and data alone as a way to maintain trust during disagreement. And there are three important themes in what we've discussed. First, we hope that we've inspired you to be a bit more reflective about why conversations go well or poorly and to recognize that there's a science around effective disagreement. Second, our approach is centered on the importance of observable behavior, and the most clear behavior in conversation is language. We trust that most healthcare workers are already empathetic and compassionate people, and we want you to have the tools to communicate that to patients and colleagues. Finally, the tools we've discussed are habits that can be cultivated with practice. The more you practice these skills in small disagreements, the better you will be at them when it comes to the large ones. There are some questions that come up regularly when we teach this material, and that may have come up for you. For example, a question that is often raised is about authenticity. What if you are not feeling receptive when you are using these techniques? Won't your patient notice? So I think authenticity is a great goal, but in many disagreements, the only authentic feeling people have is frustration with each other. It's hard to make yourself truly curious and empathetic in the heat of the moment. Saying the words that make your patient believe you're being receptive will help them feel genuine receptiveness towards you, and that sets both of you on a virtuous cycle. In research, we've actually found that receptiveness tends to create more receptiveness. We have primarily discussed disagreement with patients, but how would you use these techniques in disagreement with colleagues? Would they still apply? Yes, I think so. In some ways, disagreement with colleagues are more difficult because you might not have the obvious advantage of being the only credentialed expert in the room. Now you have two experts who are both convinced that they're right. On the other hand, in a disagreement with colleagues, it is easier to find common purpose, which is usually delivering excellent patient care. But otherwise, all the same rules apply. People tend to believe that their opinions are justified and are baffled when others disagree with them. Showing your curiosity, receptiveness, and vulnerability behaviorally through your language has a tendency to deescalate the disagreement, uncovering novel solutions, and preserving trust for the long run. Another thing people often ask is whether they're obligated to be receptive to people who are obviously wrong or saying something that could be seen as derogatory or offensive. So it's important to ask yourself, why are you in this conversation? If their reason seems insufficient, again, we're back to considering our goals, then maybe you just end it. But the problem is, often people who are wrong or offensive are actually our patients and colleagues. So the question is, what do we do then? By showing receptiveness even in these situations, you minimize relationship damage, gain a better understanding, and you might just find a path forward. If by contrast, you just tell them that they're dead wrong, the conversation is over and you've lost the opportunity you might have had to influence their behavior. Remember, receptiveness is not about changing your mind. If you really hate what someone is saying, you can continue stating your disagreement very clearly, but preferably after you've given some thought to their perspective. I've heard some workshop participants wonder whether some of these techniques might make them sound less authoritative or uncertain. I can imagine female professionals being particularly concerned about this. So this is another reason to consider your conversational goals. If you're trying to impress someone with your confidence or your command of a topic, that goal requires a different strategy than if you're trying to de-escalate a conflict. Crucially, in the studies we've done, people who show receptiveness in the face of disagreement are seen as more trustworthy and objective. Other people are eager to seek out their advice in the future. That seems like a very important positive outcome. As we finish up, we want to thank you for your time participating in this course and considering these ideas. We hope that you found them thought-provoking. One last thing before we wrap up. What we'd like you to do is think of a single tool from this course and write down exactly when and how you will implement it this coming week. Literally, get out your phone or computer and write down a specific goal in your calendar. In a week's time, think about how well you did in pursuing your goal. Then decide what you would like to work on for the following week. Over time, you will notice yourself becoming more reflective about your disagreements, even if you're only devoting a few minutes a week to considering them. If you would like to learn more about the ways to grow your skills, the research that supports these ideas, or have any other thoughts or questions, please feel free to reach out to us by emailing info at disagreeingbetter.com. In the meantime, we hope that every conversation you have builds a bridge to another.

constructive conversations

HERE framework

vulnerable stories

communication skills

receptiveness